When your child is diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, there will be a range of normal reactions and emotions to deal with. The social worker and/or psychologist is a member of the diabetes team who can help with these issues and feelings.

Parents and Carers – First Feelings

Finding out that your child has diabetes is very traumatic. Initial feelings and thoughts usually are “ I can’t believe this is happening to us” or feeling that you wish it was you. Normal feelings and reactions can include:

Shock – feeling that you are operating under “automatic pilot”.

Denial – the news is so overwhelming that you can’t believe it. You may try not to think about diabetes for as long as possible.

Anger – you wish there was someone to blame. You may find yourself becoming angry with those around you, with the doctor, nurses, family and friends. Of course, what you're really angry about is the diabetes itself.

Sadness and sometimes depression - you may cry more than usual or dwell on the most negative possibilities for your child.

Fear – you may become worried about your child’s future, the impact that diabetes will have on their goals and ambitions. As a parent, you may feel overwhelmed when trying to deal with diabetes, while remaining strong for your child. You worry about their future or what might happen if you make a mistake in treating your child’s diabetes.

Guilt – you may find yourself thinking about the last few weeks and wondering if you could have done something differently. Remember there is nothing you could have done to prevent your child from getting diabetes.

Initially in the first few days or weeks the most important thing is to cope with one day at a time. Be open to the support offered by friends, family and the diabetes team and remember to look after yourself. Remember that this difficult time will pass and you will regain your feelings of balance again.

Your Child - First Feelings

All children react differently to the diagnosis of diabetes. You may find that your child appears to adjust to the diagnosis quite well. This may continue, however you may find your child experiences the following feelings either at diagnosis, sometime later (or possibly not at all):

Denial
Your child may pretend that they don’t have diabetes or that it will go away soon. They may try to get out of taking their injections or checking blood glucose levels.

Anger
Your child may think, "why am I the one with diabetes?" They may become angry with you, their friends, siblings more often than they used to.

Depression
Your child may feel sad, tired, or hopeless. They may tell you that diabetes has ruined their life.

Fear and Anxiety
Your child may be worried about diabetes and how it will affect their life. They may be anxious about needles or low blood glucose levels. They may worry that diabetes makes them different from their friends and peers and what others might think.

Blame
Your child may think that having diabetes is their fault. They may feel like they are to blame for burdening the rest of the family with diabetes.

Don’t be alarmed if your child starts to act like a younger child. This is called “regression” and is a coping reaction by children to stress and sickness and is only temporary. Remember, it's normal for you and your child to feel angry, sad, confused, and all sorts of other emotions - sometimes all at the same time.

Relationships
A diagnosis of diabetes affects the whole family. You may find yourself becoming irritable and less patient than normal. If your child is in hospital, not only are you in a completely foreign environment, you are also required to learn how to manage diabetes. Remember that you are all under stress and these reactions are part of the situation.

Sometimes partners and other members of the family cope with the diagnosis differently. One person may be very tearful and want to talk about things, whilst the other may go into “problem-solving mode” and want to learn about all the practical issues whilst seeming to be ignoring their sadness and other feelings.

These are different ways of coping with the same situation. Accepting these differences and supporting each other can help enormously during this time.

Brothers and Sisters
Brothers and sisters of the child with diabetes also need to have their feelings understood. They need to be included in at least some of the process of learning. Some may fear that they too will get diabetes. Some may feel guilty and wonder if recent fights or conflict caused their brother or sister to become ill. They may also feel left out because of all the attention to the child with diabetes. They need support and reassurance. Special time with your other children is important.

Helping your Child Cope with Diabetes

Adjusting to diabetes takes time, and dealing with it is a daily challenge. Here are some strategies for helping your child cope with diabetes:

Encourage your child to start becoming involved in some of their care…
It’s important that your child is involved in their diabetes management, together with you. This will give them confidence, however they need to have your continued support. Any shared diabetes tasks need to be appropriate for their age and stage of development. Be aware that too much responsibility can lead to burn out.

Keep learning about diabetes…
You and your child will learn about diabetes from your diabetes team. As your family learns more, you'll feel more confident about managing diabetes.

Share with family and friends…
Encourage your child to share their knowledge about diabetes with family and friends. Don't force them to talk about diabetes if they are not ready, though. Gentle encouragement and sensitivity are best.

Encourage your child to talk to others with diabetes…
Your child may benefit from participating in a support group for children or teens with diabetes. Camps are also a good way to mix with other children and families. You can learn how others face similar challenges and share ideas.

Encourage your child to talk about their feelings…
Allow your child to express their feelings - both positive and negative. Don't make light of negative feelings. Responses like "It's not that bad!" may make your child less likely to openly talk about their feelings. Agree with them that diabetes is unfair or difficult, but go on to reassure your child that you are there to help them through the hard times.

Try to re-focus…
In the time after diagnosis, it's normal to focus on your child's diabetes to the exclusion of the other parts of their life, but as soon as possible, try to re-focus on your child as a whole person - not just the diabetes. Support all aspects of their life.

Eventually, you and your child will adapt to living with diabetes. You'll both begin to feel more confident about the daily tasks of diabetes care and it will become part of daily routine for your child and the rest of the family. Remember, every family is different and manages in different ways.

Adapting to Change

Although you and your child may come to accept diabetes, diabetes doesn't go away. As your child grows, you will both face new challenges: how much responsibility to give them; how to deal with changes in diabetes treatment; how they can adapt their diabetes treatment to life changes (like beginning high school or going away to camp). Expect your child to go through tough times and better times in their diabetes care.

As your child matures, they may need increased support at times and demand increased independence at other times (this may all happen in the same day!). In short, you, your child, and the rest of your family will adapt and re-adapt to the demands of diabetes. To adapt as easily as possible, foster a sense of teamwork about diabetes care. Ideally the responsibility for day-to-day diabetes care needs to be shared. To share the practical burden may reduce the emotional burden.

When the whole family is supportive and knowledgeable about your child's diabetes, it is easier to take changes and challenges in your stride.

Managing Stress

No matter how well you are coping, diabetes brings a lot of added stress. Try some of these ways to reduce stress:

Regular exercise – can make you feel better, it releases hormones and helps relax tense muscles.

Writing – jotting down your thoughts and feelings can make your problems seem more bearable.

Relaxation – doing things like yoga, deep breathing, or tensing and relaxing one muscle at a time can help relieve stress.

Talking about your feelings - talking to others who are in a similar situation helps “normalise” things for you, makes you realise that what you are going through is similar to many others.

Having “timeout” - have an evening out, rent a DVD or get lost in a good book.

Having a massage - it’s a great way to relax.

Meditating or praying - take care of your spiritual side.

Expert advice from Vicki Barron Clinical Psychologist/Diabetes Educator is gratefully acknowledged.